It might not be all that worth it / 2.11.10

Jay Park/Park Jaebom (& Chacha malone)'s speechless.
NO IT'S NOT A KOREAN SONG. IT'S AN ENGLISH SONG.

I know it's hard to imagine this
to end up without the kiss
from the one that you have loved for so long

I know it's hard to imagine this
can't live up to havin' kids
knowing that the thought is long gone

I've come to the conclusion
that we are both losin'
what we've come so far to build

And there is no confusion
no gimmick, no illusion
to how sad it makes me feel

Chorus:
I'm speechless
Can't believe it's over now
Why did we take this route
happily never after

I'm speechless
Feelin' far from sober now
I'm gonna be hung over now
'cause nothin' else matters

Should I drink my tears away
There's nothin' left to say
But let's just hope for a better tomorrow

No plan to make a stay
No not another day
Inaudible drownin' in sorrow

I'm speechless
I'm speechless

I'm speechless
I'm speechless

I can't believe I'm still standing
I can't believe cloud nine's landing
Lost grip of love when I thought we had this
Friends or not, we're damaged

We learn to walk and to talk and laugh and cry
Why is it so hard to learn to say goodbye?

I could've sworn I was stronger
I wish I could've had longer

It's time to wake up from the dreams
and make up for the things
I set aside when we were together
but everyone and everything
didn't wanna wait on me
can't expect a sudden change in the weather

Chorus:

Please help me

Nobody can hear me baby
I cannot breathe
I know God may just take me but
I cannot leave


I'm in this way too deep
to swim myself ashore
I need your help

Chorus:

I'm speechless...

I really like his voice, and it's so goood to hear him sing sucha song other than the usual koreanish. Touching...

Yknow it's like after so many weeks, i wonder if i'll ever get there, whether all this time is worth it? I'm not sure anymore. The effort i've put in doesn't seem to reciprocate, i'm not sure if all this is just my fault, whether the issue lies with me. I'm still lagging behind, and the feeling sucks. Although i feel good after running, for at least working out, i feel bad for being so slow, for always being the last few coming in (although there are usually only 4 ppl training). Swimming with the VJ people has always made training less stressful cause it's a bunch of well, not the kaylynnish or xiuwenish kind of people, so i need not chase after people, i'm the one setting the standard, setting the target. But my timings are horrendous, and it's just as good as when i was in primary 6. I haven't improved since then, or rather made tremendous improvement but fell to rock bottom ever since IP entered my life.

Have i been using IP as an excuse for my slow timings in trainings, my tiredness and lack of stamina in trainings? Yknow, getting a C6 in EOYs i really unacceptable, and even though i think i worked hard for it, stopped training for EOYs, i'm still nowhere. I'm still a nobody, a nobody who has yet to find her identity. I'm not a swimmer, nor am i a runner, needless to say a climber (<-- i'm constantly prohibited to go for training. It's like God has it all planned that every week, there must be some changes to the other training schedules that would clash with rock's.)

No doubt, swimming and running is an entirely different sport from other sports. It doesn't just take a few training sessions to get your form back. It takes months, and because of this, i've been telling myself that it's all because of IP that made me become so eew. Such a disgusting person, to have to give up training and maintaining my standard just because of frigging studies or marks. And up to now, i'm not sure if i've made the right choice to sacrifice my passion (sports) for sth i'm not so passionate about (studies). Although i'm quite certain, i made the wrong choice coming to IP.